Lean back on the couch, overwhelmed by tightness in the chest. Attempt to lie but down can't move effectively, end up stretched out, poor angle. Twisted :sigh: dismiss burgeoning thoughts of discomfort. Straighten after much effort. Relax.
Look out the window and breathe deep. Clouds grey twisting and swirling. Sweat pours out, hot flash lie back down. Clouds obscure sun, windows go dark.
Vision:
My face
not my face
every face
my face again
seen from across a room, seen from right beside my face
head cradled in hands of
a woman
a mother
a nun
mary
a nameless nun
a faceless nameless mother/nun
she poured blood in my mouth
my blood
then not my blood
then her blood
then my blood
then the blood poured up out of my mouth into the cup
then the blood became a red silk scarf sliding smooth across my face
not my face
my face
blood
not blood
scarf
not my face
my scarf
my blood
her face
nun
not my face
mary
my face
her blood
not my mother
my bloody scarf
my nun
my
face
my blood
blood
blood
blood
blood
blood
i heard my heart stop beating
cradled in my hands mary died
cradled in mother's hands I died
a scarf was used to stop the blood
from pouring out of my mouth
i began to cry
thunder clapped
and the clouds broke
and i could hear the plants screaming in exultant fury for the rain.
my heart started up again
thunder clapped
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